The scariest thing about being happy is how much of our everyday lives turn into meaningless pile of deprecated trade-offs.
Things that you thought meant something for you actually don’t. Things that you thought you’d keep for life actually turn out to be nonimportant. People you considered close were just vehicles for you: you gave them that love you didn’t know how to give to yourself. And finally, things that you so cunningly shielded from your gaze for years begin to pop up and become unavoidable challenges.
That is because you can only be happy when you do things for the right reasons. Otherwise you just think you’re happy and yet you spend your time trying to fill in gaps in yourself and your life, gaps that you don’t know how to love. In other words, you’re sitting on the passenger’s seat yourself and letting what you think other people will think of you drive your life.
Go stand in front of a mirror and ask yourself if you’re happy. Are you so happy that you wouldn’t want to change anything in your life? Are you so happy that while you might certainly want to change some things you would still be perfectly content should those things actually never change? Ask yourself if there’s some part of yourself that you don’t love one hundred percent? Ask yourself if you see too much fat, a body too skinny, or a person too unpopular and rejected, or someone who can’t steer away from too many bad habits? Or do you see a person with weaknesses yet completely accept him/her just the way he/she is?
I’m not entirely happy myself but there have been, and there are, occasional moments when I am 100% happy.
It’s those moments when I wouldn’t replace a single bit of myself, whether it’s hemorrhoids, feelings of guilt, or the history of how I’ve lived.